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10 Reasons Why the Sixties are OVER

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You may believe the sixties are alive, friend, but guess what? The sixties are long over and they’re NEVER COMING BACK. Though the evidence that the sixties are still around may seem overwhelming, dig deeper and the truth is that the SIXTIES ARE AND ALWAYS HAVE BEEN OVER.
1. JIMI HENDRIX IS DEAD.
Remember Jimi Hendrix? Major symbol of the sixties being alive? Yeah, well I just found out he’s dead. Guess that means guitar playing is over, too. Question: how can the sixties be alive when Jimi Hendrix is dead? Conclusion: the sixties are over. If Jimi Hendrix doesn’t live to be sixty, that means no more sixties for us.
2. ACID IS DEAD.
Remember how people use to take acid in the sixties? Yeah, well, no one drops acid anymore, because acid is out of “vogue.” So I guess being yourself and believing in freedom is out of vogue too, because the SIXTIES ARE DEAD. There’s more tripping done over loose sneaker laces these days, than slipping a tab of ol’ LSD down your experimental gullet.
3. THE VIETNAM WAR IS OVER.
Remember how good it was to protest the Vietnam war? Yeah, well, there’s nothing good to protest anymore, so goodbye Summer of Love, the sixties are deceased. What are we going to protest now? Nothing. I protest the end of the sixties, and therefore life.
4. TIE-DYE IS DEAD.
You can’t tie-dye, but you sure can die, because tie-dye shirts are over. No one wears them anymore, except the dead. If you’re still wearing tie-dye, face it; you’re dead, just like the sixties. The sixties once dyed, but now they’re just dead.
5. THE CUBAN MISSILE CRISIS IS OVER.
You want to know how I know the Cuban Missile Crisis is over? Because we’re still here. Is anything about the sixties still around anymore? Probably not. Maybe someone upstairs hates the sixties, man. Yeah, I’m getting a feeling that old dude in the sky’s really got it out for the sixties, you know? Is god dead? Why not, but not as dead as the sixties, that’s for sure. Nothing’s that dead.
6. FREE LOVE IS DEAD.
You see people giving love out for free these days? No, you don’t. Because free love is dead now. Due to inflation, free love costs way more than it ever did in the sixties. Besides, love isn’t made like it used to be, in the sixties. Man, the sixties must be rolling in their time-graves. Well, it was good while it lasted. Nope, it wasn’t; wallow in nostalgia forever, because the sixties had a serious heart attack last night and passed away violently.

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